There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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