How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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