I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
