Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
