Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
