Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
