I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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