pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
