Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
