question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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