I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
