I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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