FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
