Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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