Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
