halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
porn star boner night. come get it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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