Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
