you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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