so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
