your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
