May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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