totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
