the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
