and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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