i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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