I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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