you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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