We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
