that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
