did you get engaged???
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I will pee on everything he values.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
