whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize