He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
