she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
