I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
