but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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