Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
