he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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