I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
