youre lurking in front of me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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