xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
