Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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