I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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