remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
