What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
