her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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