This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
