I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
