You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
