I swear she didn't look like that last week.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
