Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize