there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Mom said you looked used
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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