i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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