You just made me feel so damn special
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
