Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
