Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
