If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
