do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
