he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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