shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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