At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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