People in love make me want to vomit
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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