No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so let's talk penis.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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