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I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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