Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
