sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
