I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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