Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
